Today I was humbled to learn an amazing lesson from one of my favorite people and they didn’t have to do a thing.

I found myself letting my past run my future…well that is, until a huge light bulb went off.

I had been waiting for a friend to call me back so we could get together and catch up over some coffee.  We both have lots going on in our lives and I knew that I really valued her opinion, so it meant a lot to me.

By late morning I still had not heard back from my friend. I started feeling frustrated and a little hurt, which over the next few hours seemed to intensify.  I could not figure out what to do, as I had already left a text and a voicemail, but yet had still not head anything.

My intuition told me there was a better way to handle this situation….but was not sure how. So I did what I normally do when wanting to learn and started writing in my journal, getting my thoughts out of my head and on to paper…a cleansing for my soul.

The writing started out like this “…what is really going on with this situation. why do I feel so frustrated when I know neither of us have done anything wrong?”  As I continued to write, digging deeper into what was going on in my head I put down the sentence “feeling this way because this is how others have treated me in the past.”  I found myself grouping this experience with the painful outcomes from past situations for no reason at all.

Then I realized that I was choosing to feel this frustration, no one was doing anything to me, certainly not my friend. I had made a conscious decision to play the victim.

The first breakthrough was in my choosing to take responsibility. Done. I know I am the only one who can make me happy or sad. Period. How I feel in any moment is the meaning I choose to give it….but something still did not feel right…so I kept writing….

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Throughout this entire conversation I was having with myself I was attaching my past negative experiences to this situation, when my friend had done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact nothing was wrong, this was a brand new experience.

We as humans have no reference for the future, other then using our experiences.

When you hold a treat out for a dog, no matter how many treats they have had in their life, it is as if this was the first time, they truly see the gift in that moment.

The HUGE lesson I learned was by my projecting experiences on to the current situation I was bringing old baggage, and missing out on the experience of seeing the joy within this moment and this wonderful friendship.

To my amazing friend – You continue to teach me so much, what an unexpected gift you are…thank you.

The times in my life where I have the most growth, are the times when I really put myself out there and are truly vulnerable.  It is real and it is raw.

We all long for a sense of connection with others, to feel worthy, to be loved for who we truly are but it is also one of our greatest fears. The fear that we are not worthy, that we won’t be loved, or be able to connect. It is a double edge sword, thanks to our ego.

Our ego’s do not like to feel uncomfortable, to be challenged, to be out of control, all the things that keep us from growing.  The ego is tied to worrying about the outcome.  When we let go of worrying about the outcome, and enjoy the journey, it is amazing what happens.  The ego is all about significance, afraid of what people think about us, afraid of being judged.  When surrender + trust = vulnerability, that is where the real growth comes.

It takes courage to be vulnerable. The original Latin word for  courage comes from the word cor, meaning heart, and the original definition was to tell your story of who you are with your whole heart. Truly knowing that what makes me vulnerable also makes me beautiful. Being able to let the ego go and not worry about what others think.  The willingness to put ourselves out there when there is no guarantee of the outcome.

Once we can embrace being vulnerable then we allow for all those amazing feelings such as joy, happiness, creativity, gratitude and most important, that authentic sense of love and connection.Sure it is scary, but what we all truly want is NOT the short term satisfaction BUT the long term happiness. Short term satisfaction fades but long term happiness is where authentic love and connection flourishes.

So today I leave my ego at home today and will  have the courage to be vulnerable.  Being my most authentic self. Loving and giving with my whole heart, knowing that I am already beautiful and nothing or no one can change that.  I know that through this daily transformation of being vulnerable I am expanding my capacity to grow and love.  As my good friend  says, “It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.”